Definitive Signs Of Flirting – How To Tell If Someone Is Interested
5 signs someone is flirting with you over text, revealed
With so much human interaction on digital media and so much of this text-based communication, it’s more important than ever to read the contextual clues in what people are writing to you.
Whether it’s an email from your boss, a text from a friend, or a DM from a social media mutual, being able to read between the lines and see what the people want to say or what they feel when they send these messages can go a long way.
One aspect of life where it is particularly useful is your love life. As attraction and romantic feelings can often seem overwhelming and intimidating, people often don’t say exactly how they feel for fear of rejection.
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This means that most of the time, especially for those with less of a romantic experience, conversations with someone you have feelings for can be an odd dance around the topic at hand. Those who converse are ready to say anything and everything except what they really want to say: I love you.
In order to help you better assess when this weird dance is happening, AskMen spoke to four different dating experts to help you find out what flirting really is, some telltale signs of flirting, and things you shouldn’t confuse. with the real deal.
What is flirtation?
Flirting is a form of communication based on avoiding saying exactly what you want to say, which means it’s not that easy to define.
What counts as flirtation for some may be a normal conversation with someone else, or a shocking lust for someone else. Yet even as the specific way of flirting changes from person to person and from interaction to interaction, clearly definable characteristics emerge. Flirting is above all a question of attraction.
“Flirting is a frequency of communication that tells another person – subtly or explicitly – that you are romantically interested in them, or that you find them romantically attractive,” says Connell Barrett, dating coach and author of Dating sucks but you don’t.
“Flirting is a gateway to turning a conversation into sexuality or romance,” she explains. “The main difference between flirting and talking is the intention and what you hope to get out of the conversation.”
Signs that someone is flirting with you
It’s hard to be 100% sure if someone is flirting with you, so the safest sign really is if they explicitly tell you.
However, since the whole point of flirting is expressing interest and attraction without saying it in clear terms, most flirters are unlikely to do so. While asking someone directly might get a straightforward answer, it could also put off the other person and ruin what they thought was a fun joke by demanding an explanation.
Either way, you might not be able to muster the courage to ask, but there are always ways to tell if you are being flirted with at least some degree of confidence. Here are five classic signs that your crush is flirting with you, in no particular order:
To ask questions
Asking questions is a common indicator of interest that can play a role in flirting. Wanting to know things about yourself – what you think, how you feel, what you do – is the kind of thing that happens to people who have a crush.
“The freebies include asking yourself lots of questions, especially about your plans for the coming weekend,” says Barrett, while Sofiya Alexandra, co-host and co-founder of the Unknown private parts podcast, adds that responding to your texts right away with follow-up questions is another indication.
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This could be especially important if your crush is a man, as men are often expected to brag and talk about themselves rather than asking questions and listening.
Since flirting happens when someone is attracted to you, it often equates to compliments.
If they “compliment your looks or the features they like,” as Barrett says, or give you “excessive compliments,” as Courtney Kocak, co-founder and co-host of Alexandra does, it’s a “good clue that someone is flirting with you,” she said.
Even just paying attention to your body / physique, as […] outfits, make-up or hairstyle changes are also a solid clue, ”explains Alexandra. It shows that they care about your appearance, even if they are more teasing than downright glowing.
Teasing or playfulness
Which brings us to our next point, because teasing and playfulness are two key parts of flirting.
“I love to tease when I’m flirting, so if someone gently laughs at you, they might be in love with you,” Kocak says, “while Alexandra noted that if someone gives you a“ cute nickname ” , it could also certainly be flirtatious.
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In addition to nicknames, Kocak notes that “texting so many times that you have jokes going on or are building a funny storyline together is another indication that you might be involved in a mutual crush.” “
Send emojis and voice notes
Emojis and voice notes might not seem to have much in common, but there is a common thread: They are ways for people to express what they say with a little more emotional context than a simple text. They elevate a conversation from just reading words to a clearer idea of how the other person is feeling.
Barrett mentions “wink emoji or heart-eye emoji or kissed face emoji,” while GlittersaurusRex notes that if the flirting is a little more sexual, you might see “the flirtier emojis – the tongue or lips “.
“Voice notes,” she adds, “are usually a great way to both steer the conversation more towards flirting or are things that are generally indicators of flirting initiation.”
A full phone call might seem old-fashioned or intimidating, but voice notes mean you can hear the other person’s voice, and maybe the excitement it elicits.
One indicator that someone might flirt with you no matter what the content of what they say is how often they text you and how quickly they respond.
If they “text seemingly out of the blue asking things like, ‘What are you doing? or “How’s your day going?” “Says Barrett, or” if you get ‘hello, hope you have a good day’ messages daily, Alexandra notes, “that’s a serious clue that you’re constantly on someone’s mind. . “
If the other person leaves you hanging for hours or days, they probably aren’t very motivated to speak, but responding to your messages immediately suggests that they are excited and engaged in the conversation.
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Of course, even if someone ticks several of the boxes above, that doesn’t guarantee they’re flirting, unfortunately. “Some of these behaviors are just fun and playful, which could also apply to friendships,” says Kocak.
“But,” she notes, “if your dynamic is a combination of flirtatious behaviors and you check in throughout the day, you’re probably all with each other.”
Confusing kindness or politeness for flirtation
There are times when it’s possible to confuse an interaction with flirting even when it isn’t (with potentially far worse consequences).
Being a little affectionate with someone who isn’t looking for it in return is, for the most part, harmless, but if you mistakenly perceive someone’s interactions with you as flirtatious and see it as a green light to make things right sexual or spurting romantic gestures. them, you could end up making the interactions noticeably unpleasant. Not to mention, if you turn the conversation explicitly sexual or send a dick pic without warning, you’ve reached the point of sexual harassment.
So what are the things that are often mistaken for flirting, so that you can keep them in mind when trying to judge if someone is flirting with you?
For Barrett, it all depends on your expectations.
“Wishful thinking on your part can lead you to misinterpret friendliness for flirtation,” he says. “The other person can unintentionally use a smiley emoji in a flirtatious way. They’re just warm and friendly. They might ask you questions about you out of curiosity or out of friendly interest, rather than showing you romantic interest. want to the other person to love you, it is extremely easy to confuse friendly interest with romantic interest.
With this mindset, you might see someone using an informal nickname as a clear sign of flirting, even if they aren’t.
“I have certainly had experiences where I was friendly and informal and someone used this as a chance to make a business conversation more flirtatious in an undesirable way,” says GlittersaurusRex. “Just because someone uses an informal nickname like ‘babe’ or ‘hun’ doesn’t mean they see you as their baby. Maybe it’s just friendly. You can always ask for clarification before responding with flirtatious intentions.
If you’re not sure whether or not they’re flirting, “maybe try to be a little more direct,” suggests Kocak. “Ask them on a date or do something offline where you can better determine their romantic interest.”
“Kindness isn’t romantic,” Alexandra says, “so look for other signs if you’re not sure, like nicknames, frequency and length of responses, compliments, etc. before taking your answers from a notch to something sexy ”.
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